I'm not supposed to speak about the hospital or clinical but if I don't share this I will burst.  I will use no names nor tell where this happened, however yesterday I got a pleasant reminder of my purpose in life. 

  For as long as I can remember I've usually struggled with the peers I associate with on an even plain.  The battle was much easier as a younger adult than it is for me now but yet, still present.  To the surprise of mostly anyone who knows me now, I am the type of person that many many strangers find to be the most approachable.  My entire life the most random people (and the best of friends) have come to me in confidence, in need of advice, a shoulder to cry on, or simply just a keeper of secrets.  I was the first phone call of a friend who had just found out they were pregnant; a secret til this day that their parents do not know.  I was a hand-holder to a schoolmate in a clinic going through what I still consider the most horrific experience.  I was the only "nurse" a patient with dementia would allow to take vital signs, and a guest in the room of a cancer patient who wanted no visitors. 

  Even with all of these experiences, over the last couple of months, I've wrestled with the question of whether or not going back to school...for this profession, was a good idea.  Various, terrible and crushing events have taken place to diminish my spirits and self confidence but for reasons unbeknownst to me, I've trudged on.

  Yesterday, out of handful of students, it was I who was picked out of the group by someone having a rough time at home.  I was told that their family was not caring for them in the proper manner.  Medications and finances were being witheld.  There was no delusion, no manipulation, no misunderstanding.  Just a plea for help.  I may lack some normal social skills.  I may tend to complain too much. But, I have a face; better yet, a demeanor that people find comforting.  I may never have the best of friends, I may never be liked by any of my superiors, but I will always be the voice for those who have none (or who are afraid to use it) and that is a role I can accept. 

  I know the road ahead will not be easy, I'm just thankful today for the moment I needed to keep me going.

  If you’re looking for the answer…I don’t have one for you. Ha! Honestly I think whether or not to have a First Look truly depends upon many factors; the couple, the setting, their beliefs, and their budget. Since I cannot tell you which to choose, I can only share with you my experience in the matter, and let you go from there.

  Although my husband and I planned a pretty traditional wedding, our family, well my family background, happensto set some pretty non traditional moments, considering there have been a number of divorces. However, that is neither here nor there. The topic of a First Look was never discussed.

  I must say, when I first heard of a First Look, from the plethora of wedding shows I watch, I thought it was absolutely absurd. I couldn’t believe that a bride and groom would want to ruin the moment of walking down the aisle and what they feel right then when they see each other. However, as I started reading wedding blogs and seeing pictures of other brides’ First Looks, I gained a respect and could see the beauty in it all. Still, it never occurred to me to have one. For us, it seemed as though tradition was the best fit.

 Now, looking back…here’s the shocker….I wish we had done one. Let me tell you why. That October morning, the sun was shinning, the sky was blue and the temperature was perfect. With the doors to the church open behind us, we began our walk down that very long aisle. Much to my surprise there was no groom in sight. You see, we had about 200 guests and I am a very short gal…so with a sea of people in front of me, my sweetie was hidden behind them all…the entire time. When we reached the end of the aisle, although this may seem odd to many of you, my attention and focus was on my brother. Him giving me away was such a special moment for me, for us and I didn’t want to miss one second of it. (Believe me, it was great!) Therefore, my First Look with my future husband was up there, in front of everyone, after my brother put my hand in his. Neither my husband, nor I, like being the center of attention.  Well of course we're goofy and we'll do anything to get people to laugh but emotionally we are very private.  So although there was definitely excitement and lots of happiness, it wasn’t quite what it could have been.

  Husband and I are a true team. We’ve worked through a lot to get where we are in our relationship and in a lot of ways it can feel as though we’re two against the world (in a good way). Having a moment that morning, just the two of us…and a photographer (lol), to share that First Look, the butterflies, the thrill, the joy would have been priceless. Ladies, this isn’t something I’ve lost sleep over…because there was no way to anticipate how walking down the aisle would have played out, so don’t feel sad because I am not. I just share the story with you, to perhaps help you and your future husband decide what would be best for you. Not to mention, mine would have never said yes even if I had thought of it ahead of time.

  So, what did you choose and how did you decide?  Was it everything you thought it'd be?

Ok Ladies:

  I understand for many of you, your wedding day is something you've dreamt about your entire life.  However, I remind you, it's not just about you!  Sorry, but it's true. Whether you've found a man that doesn't care about the details, one that wants to go to every single meeting, or someone in between; you should try to include his desires, or at the least, plan something special just for him. 

  My guy wanted to be involved.  If I could make appointments for when he wasn't working, great, but if not, he didn't lose sleep over it.  He did want to know the details that I wanted and we came up with a beautiful day that worked for both of us.  He is the type though, that sometime doesn't remember the details....  So I wanted to make sure there would be moments he would never forget.  In our four years total together, I've never managed to keep a secret...but for our wedding day, I kept three.  Yup, I planned three great surprises for him that truly meant a lot.

    First:  Cigars.  Every guy I know has a cigar moment on the day of the wedding; where they break away to smoke something lovely, but my honey had never heard of this.  Since he does like, occasionaly, to take part in the joy of smoking a cigar I decided this could be something special.  My husband and his friends ALWAYS golf before a wedding.  Because our ceremony was so early in the day, they had to do this the Friday before.  That morning when Mr. D. came out of the shower and into the bedroom, sitting on the bed was a box of cigars just for them.  I had researched for six months on cigars, trying to find one that he would like.  Not only was this a great surprise for him, his friends and groomsmen appreciated it as well.

    Second:  A bagpiper.  Mr. D. is of Scottish and Irish decent and had always hoped for a piper to be at his wedding.  Now, these guys tend to be pretty pricey so initially I told him absolutely not.  I did, however, try to find someone who was reasonable...low and behold, I found one.  How I managed to keep my mouth shut for over a year, I'll never know, but when my hubby arrived that morning to hear the sound of the pipes, it was one of the greatest gifts of all time.

    Third:  Grooms' Cake.  I initially wanted to get one from the Ace of Cakes but there was no way I was paying $3,000 for a cake.  But, then I remembered that one of our friends was beginning a business making and selling cake for special occasions.  I quickly called her up and spoke about what I wanted...she was on board.  Mr. D. has a thing for rubber ducks...it's a long story.  I wanted a rubber duck with tux jacket and shirt and blues brother glasses.  My friend wanted to add a top hat which really pulled it all together.  I had our venue hide the cake in the kitchen for the beginning of the reception.  When we cut our wedding cake, they snuck out behind us with it.  As we fed each other and smiled, my husband told me how great the day was going.  So I said, "Oh yea.  I think it just got better, why don't you turn around."  There was the cake and his face was priceless.  He loved it.  Not only did he like the nodd to his rubber duck collection, but he appreciated the sentiment behind it.  Mr. D. doesn't like cake, the only kind he will eat really is spice cake and neither of us wanted an entire wedding cake made of spice cake...so guess what the duck flavor was?  Yup, spice cake.  My friend painstakingly drummed up a recipe that would hold in the 3D form (usually only pound cake, mixed with brownie works).  Success was hers because it was delicious.

  So brides...remember your grooms!  If you have, what special plans do you have for your guy?